2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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