Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
