is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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