So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
