I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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