Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
