genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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