Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
