Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
