he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
