Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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