I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
