My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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