all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
