I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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