tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
