How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
