3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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