a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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