The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
