your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
