Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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