I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
