Just fell off a train. Bad.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
