brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
