the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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