You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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