Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
