I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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