worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
