dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Small penises have feelings too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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