Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
