The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
