It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
