Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
