One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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