I puked a lego.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
