Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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