Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bring money and cleavage
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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