May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
