I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
