My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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