Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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