you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
