P.S. I can't hear my feet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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