I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
