I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize