We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
