Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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