Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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