Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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