sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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